I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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