His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
