i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
