dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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