What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
