I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
