I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
