this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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