tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
