Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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