this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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