Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
