my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
