he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
