Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
