Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
