Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
