Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
