I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize