girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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