Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
