woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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