Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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