Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she told me i tasted like america
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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