No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
