Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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