Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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