Dual....:-)
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
