Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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