maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
