I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
