is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
