My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
