non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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