Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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