My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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