If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
