you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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