Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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