I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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