i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
