i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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