i love accidental penises.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
