Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
