I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
