dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
