Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
