I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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