I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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