imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
