Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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