i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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