you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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