i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Come on in and take your pants off
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