Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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