I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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