Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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