I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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