It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
false alarm, still single
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