Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
