TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
