is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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