You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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