Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You could cut the tension with my nipples.