i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.