there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green