hotel room ftw
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.