im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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Canadian or clown?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.