I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
