so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
