in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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