I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
