Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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