Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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