just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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