Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
