this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
