I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize