He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
