is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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