I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
