So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
