The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
