I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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