I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
