Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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