everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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