so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
